alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
