Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
