Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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