I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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