my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
