Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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