I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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