If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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