things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
