what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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