"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
