smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize