operation harelip BJ is a go
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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