I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
