we made out on top of his cat.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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