The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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