Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize