I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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