In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
