Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
