wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
