so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
