I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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