Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
