Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize