The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
