At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my being single is dangerous.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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