Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
