She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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