I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
