He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize