i just wanna soil my oats bro
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
