I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
