I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
