why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
