someone threw a dead crab at me
so explain again why im purple
no
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
