Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
