at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
