Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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