That's when you crack a 10am beer
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
