I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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