I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
