you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
