Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
