did you get engaged???
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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