her body is proportioned like a family guy character
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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