if you like me you must not know who I am
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
