listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
