If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
