READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
