I am spending my child support on dildos
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The Olympian is in my bed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
