I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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