new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
