She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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