If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
