how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
