We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
