you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
