Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
