I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
