Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So much rum. So many feels.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
there is glitter all over my balls
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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