Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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