So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
