There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
