What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
