k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
