I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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