I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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