I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
