It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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