Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
