There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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