How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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