haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
