he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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