Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
