i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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