if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
