I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
