Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sarcasm needs its own font
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
