i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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