Don't you send me to vm
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
