It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
