i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
