Where did you get a picture of my penis
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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