I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
