So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
