You really coming over, don't trick.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
