i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
