yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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