he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
