Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
should my penis look like a turkey
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
