yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
