If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
