Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
