I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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