i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
