I haven't been this sober since birth.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
