8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
