I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
