please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
