the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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