i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
