I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
