my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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