I got chris browned last night
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
