so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
